I like to think about life as a book with many chapters. Just like any book, I don't want to be stuck at the middle, never to explore the rest of the story. I crave change and challenge, so I want a lot of chapters that keep getting better and better. I find looking forward to some-thing can be the most exciting part of life, especially if it's something you really want. The beginning and the middle of our books give us experience and education that prepares us to write future chapters.
To give you an example of how to look at your own life as a book, I'll show you a version of my ex- perience with this process. Because I have been married for 20 years and have a 14 year old & a 17 year old, my family life is rolling through chapters based on the kids ages and I'm not looking to change anything (other than wishing I could slow it down). Because I am in a career transition, I'm writing my book based on jobs, businesses & accomplishments to see what the future holds. By writing down previous chapters in my life and finding the purpose of each chapter, I'll be able to see that it was not "all for nothing". There was a purpose, that made me who I am today. My book looks like this:
Chapter 1 - Small jobs while in high school and college (lifeguard, gymnastic teacher, aerobics teacher at Richard Simmons Anatomy Asylum) ultimately lead me to my first career in radio. When Louise DiPace Moore took my aerobics class at The Waverly Hotel Fitness Center (call me Jane Fonda in 1985), who would have thought that she would like me enough to recommend me for the Promotion Director job at an Atlanta radio station. PURPOSE - lead me to my career.
Chapter 2 - Radio Career - promotions, sales, sales manager, corporate new business development - climbing the corporate ladder, learning and loving it! I also met my husband at a radio station. I was his boss, but that's a blog for another day. PURPOSE - blessed to work for remarkable bosses, mentors, and coworkers and received the very best sales and marketing training available. I was also introduced to business and personal growth seminars and the self-help industry.
Chapter 3 - Kim Stiles Marketing and Promotions radio consultancy was my first
entrepreneurial endeavor. I would slide into town,stay in nice hotels, eat at great restaurants, host several meetings, offer some great solutions and leave before the challenges arise. It was great until I had my son and traveling became difficult. To have more time with him, I put my information into books that were later published. PURPOSE - introduced me to public speaking, writing books and showed me that I could do anything I set my mind to.
Chapter 4 - Motivation for Moms As the radio industry changed, so did I. Having 2 kids lead me into the self- improvement arena and after seeing Anthony Robbins for the first time, I knew what I wanted to do. Finding my nitch, I started interviewing Moms to see how I could help the ones who were struggling. I have always believed, "When Mama's Happy, Every-body's Happy". I hosted workshops to rave reviews, but I wasn't making much money because I would let women who really needed it come for free or at a discount. PURPOSE - There was a big need to motivate moms and that I could make a real difference in people's lives.
Chapter 5 - Network Marketing - I wanted to make a lot of money and to show struggling moms how to make money. It took five years of working my a** off for two different companies to find that Network Marketing was not the answer. Direct Sales may be the answer for many Moms, but it was not my intention to have parties or sell product, I got caught up in the promise of "big money". Needless to say, you live and you learn and I'll leave it at that. PURPOSE - to introduce me to many amazing people and to remind me to "do what I love and the money will follow" and if it looks to good to be true, it probably is.
Chapter 6 - This is where I am now and with lots of prayer and reflection, I am starting to write a new chapter. This is the first time I'll be coming off of a "failure" or "expensive lesson" and it doesn't feel good. It's taken me about 6 months to figure out what to do. I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondolitis at 21 and being able to work from home since 1994, has saved my health. Avoiding the stress of rush hour, company politics, and being able to work with my feet up has been a blessing. Not to mention enjoying my kids in their formative years.
So my goal was to find something that I love where I could make money and still be based at home. I finally decided to take my own advice and see what I really want. I usually ask moms, "If money were no option, what would you like to do?" My answer is to travel the world with my family and friends. If all my bills were paid, that's what I would do. I would fly, cruise, train and drive every- where and visit every single Disney Park in the world. I am a Disney Fanatic! The best times of my life have been at Disney with my family. Whenever I see anything about Disney I smile and I'm the go-to person when my family and friends go to Disney. That's it! I want to be a Disney Travel Expert! I don't have to get rich, but helping people every day to plan the happiest time of their lives. What could be better?
Now, how do I do it? I did some research, made some calls and found out that millions of people want to do this - so how can I get started (notice how I'm not deterred by a long-shot?). I need to learn the ropes from the best, before I go out on my on. I contacted one big agency and they said I have to go to Disney 5 times in one year to qualify. I wish!
When you are moving in the right direction and everything feels right,
God will take care of the rest.
Then, my mother was taking my son on a cruise to Alaska for graduation. I had been working with a friend, Theresa, who is an agent. One day Theresa was unavailable, so the owner of the agency, Wendy, called about the Alaska trip. My "gift for gab" took over and within a week, we had met and I was on my way through Disney College. Oh, the smile on my face everyday! She wasn't looking to hire anyone. I sold myself and told her what I wanted to do! At age 48, I have completely changed directions and started over and I couldn't be happier. Using my past experiences, I'm putting my own spin on my new business. I'll continue to write when it feels right. Maybe I'll even be a travel writer one day.
What about you?
How is your story coming along? Are you happy where you are? Are you making the most of this one life that we have? Try writing your book based on what's important in your life - relationships (family, friends, marriages), professional experiences and accomplishments, or a mixture of both. The fascinating thing is how much WE change as we grow older and one of the wonderful benefits is that we care less what other people say or think, so choosing what to write in your next chapters can be completely authentic. It would be a shame to base your whole book on decisions you made in college, or a job where you feel stifled just because it's all you have ever done.
Answer the question: "If money were no option, what would you like to do? How would you spend your time?" Then match what you love to do to something (a job, volunteering, teaching others) that can get you what you want. Don't wait for a job posting, your dream guy to knock on your door, or a reconciliation. Go out and ask for it!
For information about planning your Disney Vacation, Family Cruise, Girlfriend Getaway, or The New Deluxe Disney Adventure http://www.adventuresbydisney.com/ contact me: kim@kimstiles.com
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
10 Ways to Take Care of You
“I believe moms are trying to care for themselves, but their
methods are leaving them unfulfilled.” - Kim Stiles
It’s officially out of
the closet! Motherhood is tough and not always as rewarding as promised.
Thousands of moms vented, argued, and cried on several Oprah Winfrey shows
discussing the controversial subject and poured out their hearts on Oprah.com.
A few women found motherhood a beautiful bonding experience, and some can’t
find any happiness at all. But, the majority agreed, motherhood is exhausting
and thankless...but worth it.
Most of us have bought
into the importance of taking care of ourselves so we can be better mothers.
But no one has yet to discuss how to “take care of ourselves.” What exactly
does “caring for ourselves” mean? Though many moms said they do absolutely
nothing for themselves, others take bubble baths, go to lunch with friends, or
join gyms. These efforts are great, but until you commit the time and energy to
the important things and feelings that affect your daily life (not just
socially and physically), you’ll never achieve the peace you’re searching for.
Many exhausted,
work-at-home moms can’t wait to dash out the door the second their husband
comes home from work. With a credit card in hand, they charge their way into
debt, searching for happiness (or to get back at their husbands for working all
day).
Some “take care of
themselves” with a reward of several Krispy Kreme doughnuts and television.
Shopping and eating are very common methods of “self-care,” and provide
immediate gratification, but ultimately leave you with long term pain. A relaxing bubble bath is no good if you
can’t stop thinking about the millions of things you’ve got to do, places you
need to go, and people you need to call. A night out with your husband isn’t
very enjoyable if you feel guilty about the lack of “quality time” spent with
your kids. A night out with the girls is not as much fun if you feel exhausted,
unattractive, and like a haggard housewife. It’s also hard to enjoy quiet time
if you have no dreams or goals and all your time is focused on the problems of
the day.
I want you to do the
things for yourself that you do every day for your families. What would you do
if your child had no interests or hobbies? Wouldn’t you help him find one and
encourage him to make the time for it? Many moms have no interests outside
their families. What if your husband hated his “job situation”? Wouldn’t you
encourage him to find something better? Many moms feel stuck at home or at work
and feel there’s no opportunity for a better life. Many moms limit television
for their kids and send them outside for exercise but never exercise
themselves. Moms make sure their kids get check-ups but often avoid going
themselves.
We all want to feel
good. And good is often the end result of other feelings we’re searching for,
such as: accomplished, calm, attractive, in control, loved, and like we really
matter. Certain actions we take can give us the feelings that we want and I
want you to schedule and commit to the things that will make you feel good.
Each of the following 10
commitments will give you a particular feeling that can change your life and
make you feel 100% better. But you must schedule the time, or it’ll never
happen.
“If you can drive
yourself crazy, then you can drive yourself happy.”
How well you are taking care of you?
Answer the following questions & use this 1 – 5 scale.
NEVER - 1
YEARLY - 2
MONTHLY - 3
WEEKLY - 4
DAILY - 5
How often do you:
1. Plan or organize?
2. Enjoy quiet time?
3. Pamper yourself?
4. Care for your appearance?
5. Share quality time with each child, doing what they want?
6. Share quality time with your spouse?
7. Spend time with your favorite friends?
8. Work toward a dream or goal?
9. Have fun and laugh?
10. Use your “God-given gift” to help others?
If your score revealed mostly 5’s, then you don’t need this book. If you show 3’s and 4’s, then you’re probably feeling good about the way you’re caring for yourself, but this book will improve your efforts. Mostly 1’s and 2’s will reveal you need to put a lot of effort into caring for yourself, so you can be a happier and better mother.
The 10 Commitments
1. If you want to feel accomplished & in control, you
must schedule time to get organized and plan.
2. If you want to feel emotionally calm, you must
schedule quiet time.
3. If you want to feel refreshed and relaxed, you must
schedule time for pampering.
4. If you want to feel physically fit and attractive, you
must schedule time to exercise & care for your body.
5. If you want to feel like a great mother, you must
schedule quality time with each child.
6. If you want to feel like a great wife, you must
schedule quality time with your spouse.
7. If you want to feel like a fun girl again, you must
schedule time with friends.
8. If you want to feel motivated and accomplished, you
must schedule time to work toward a dream or goal.
9. If you want to feel extremely happy, you must schedule
time for fun.
10. If you want to feel like you really matter, you must
schedule time to use your "God-given gift” to help
others.
To find out ways to implement The 10 Commitments get the e-book "Mothering Yourself" by Kim Stiles available here:
No Kindle or e-reader,, no problem download the Kindle for PC here:
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Graduation Etiquette - Who Knows?
Why do special occasions end up causing so much stress? My son, Brad, will
be graduating from high school in a couple of weeks and trying to decide
what is appropriate is making me crazy! The document is a cross
between an invitation and an announcement. To start with, the line
is blurred about the whole meaning of the document. It's pretty standard and says:
"The Senior Class of Northgate High School Announces it's Commencement Exercises, Thursday Evening May 24,2012 at 7:30, Northgate High School, Henry Selden Field". In the bottom left, it says, "Admission by ticket only in case of inclement weather."
Are we asking them to come to the ceremony or are we just telling them he is graduating? With every envelope I address, I picture the person in my head saying, "Oh, can you believe he's already graduating - time flies" or "another graduation, I guess this means I have to send a gift." I picture some older relatives stressing about how far it is to drive on a Thursday night knowing they really don't want to go, but feeling like they should. Some will post the picture on the refrigerator and every time they see it, they'll be reminded about acknowledging or not acknowledging the invitation/announcement.
We have 25 kids in my son's generation of our family, that's a lot! We are a very close extended family. Is each relative expected to give a gift to every graduate? There is no way! Typically 90% of the people who get an invitation are expected not to come to the ceremony. Most schools only give each student a few tickets anyway.
Then there are the parties. Typically people have a reception following the graduation with people who came to the ceremony, but ours is on a Thursday night. People have to work the next day. Do I expect them to drive an hour to eat a piece of cake the next day? We have 24 graduates in our neighborhood, so there a lot of parties to attend the weekend after. Do I need my own or just attend theirs and do we take gifts? See my dilemma?
It really is just a matter of "somebody's opinion". Even Emily Post only delivers "her opinion". If you ask me, if it's not written in the Bible or passed into law, it's simply opinion. Look at what Emily post says:
"Whether it's for a high school diploma, bachelor or associates degree, a gift is a must-follow etiquette tip: if you’re invited to the ceremony or are attending the party, send or bring a gift. People who receive graduation announcements must send a gift. Announcements do not equal invitations. You are not obligated to give a gift, although you may choose to do so. Whether or not you send a present, a card or note of congratulations is always appreciated."
Is it just me, or does that not make sense at all. I have a feeling that most people are not living the upper class lifestyle of Emily Post. Average people are not debutantes or having million dollar sweet sixteen parties and weddings, or buying expensive gifts for every occasion. Most people are on a fixed income , living paycheck-to-paycheck, and trying to keep their head above water. The box that the invitations came in also expresses their opinion of etiquette.
"Announcements should not be considered a request for a gift. They should be sent to people who have an interest in you as a graduate. Many will choose to send a gift, and if they do a thank you note is required."
This is my common since etiquette.
Whether or not you attend depends on many factors: how close you live, how close you are to the student personally, and if you really want to go. I think you should only send a gift if you are financially able and really want to. Look into your heart because you probably already know the right thing to do even if it's just to send a heartfelt card or simply saying congratulations.
"The Senior Class of Northgate High School Announces it's Commencement Exercises, Thursday Evening May 24,2012 at 7:30, Northgate High School, Henry Selden Field". In the bottom left, it says, "Admission by ticket only in case of inclement weather."
Are we asking them to come to the ceremony or are we just telling them he is graduating? With every envelope I address, I picture the person in my head saying, "Oh, can you believe he's already graduating - time flies" or "another graduation, I guess this means I have to send a gift." I picture some older relatives stressing about how far it is to drive on a Thursday night knowing they really don't want to go, but feeling like they should. Some will post the picture on the refrigerator and every time they see it, they'll be reminded about acknowledging or not acknowledging the invitation/announcement.
We have 25 kids in my son's generation of our family, that's a lot! We are a very close extended family. Is each relative expected to give a gift to every graduate? There is no way! Typically 90% of the people who get an invitation are expected not to come to the ceremony. Most schools only give each student a few tickets anyway.
Then there are the parties. Typically people have a reception following the graduation with people who came to the ceremony, but ours is on a Thursday night. People have to work the next day. Do I expect them to drive an hour to eat a piece of cake the next day? We have 24 graduates in our neighborhood, so there a lot of parties to attend the weekend after. Do I need my own or just attend theirs and do we take gifts? See my dilemma?
It really is just a matter of "somebody's opinion". Even Emily Post only delivers "her opinion". If you ask me, if it's not written in the Bible or passed into law, it's simply opinion. Look at what Emily post says:
"Whether it's for a high school diploma, bachelor or associates degree, a gift is a must-follow etiquette tip: if you’re invited to the ceremony or are attending the party, send or bring a gift. People who receive graduation announcements must send a gift. Announcements do not equal invitations. You are not obligated to give a gift, although you may choose to do so. Whether or not you send a present, a card or note of congratulations is always appreciated."
Is it just me, or does that not make sense at all. I have a feeling that most people are not living the upper class lifestyle of Emily Post. Average people are not debutantes or having million dollar sweet sixteen parties and weddings, or buying expensive gifts for every occasion. Most people are on a fixed income , living paycheck-to-paycheck, and trying to keep their head above water. The box that the invitations came in also expresses their opinion of etiquette.
"Announcements should not be considered a request for a gift. They should be sent to people who have an interest in you as a graduate. Many will choose to send a gift, and if they do a thank you note is required."
This is my common since etiquette.
Whether or not you attend depends on many factors: how close you live, how close you are to the student personally, and if you really want to go. I think you should only send a gift if you are financially able and really want to. Look into your heart because you probably already know the right thing to do even if it's just to send a heartfelt card or simply saying congratulations.
Monday, December 27, 2010
I Hope There's Cake
Her sparkling princess crown tilted ajar as she dipped her tiny three-year-old finger into the fluffy white icing of her very own fairy princess castle birthday cake. Though she had eaten cake before, this was the first time I noticed how her taste buds savored each sugar crystal as they dissolved on her tiny tongue. She slithered into her chair, her shoulders relaxed and her eyes rolled back into her head as she smiled with sheer delight.
My daughter, Madeline, is now thirteen years old and continues to melt at even the thought of cake. Any cake, chocolate, vanilla, lemon, strawberry, carrot, red velvet, German Chocolate, Boston Cream, apple spice, or cheesecake, she loves them all! There is no food obsession, no eating disorder, no childhood trauma, just sheer passion for really delicious sweet treats. A beautiful cake displayed on the counter is too much of a temptation for a true confection connoisseur, so we must indulge only on special occasions. Madeline attempts to turn each day into a special holiday in hopes she’ll get cake. As I woke her on April 1 with a greeting of “Happy April Fools Day,” she giggled with joy and said, “Oh, I hope there’s cake.” She knows that at any party, picnic, reunion, holiday, or decent grandmother’s house, she stands a great chance of getting a big chunk of the sweet stuff.
I have to admit, the urge to indulge comes from me. It’s completely hereditary and unfortunately a very fattening way to bond. A cake or pie in the face on a TV show or movie will always induce a glance between the two of us (no words are necessary). Some people watching the same show may feel embarrassment for the participants, others just disgust in the mess. Maddie and I just wish it were us scraping the excess from our eyes directly into our mouth. To see someone wipe off creamy icing and sling it on the ground is enough to bring a tear to our eyes. There’s nothing like cuddling on the couch on a cold, rainy Sunday afternoon, reading the paper while watching a “Cake Marathon” on The Food Network. We would choose a winner as well as the one we would love to eat!
The only thing better than a big slice of the perfect cake is a big spoonful of the perfect cake batter, and that’s only equaled to a heaping finger full of sugary icing directly from the bowl. Most of us share memories of licking the batter from the spatula, beaters, or bowl as a child. Not the new, fluffy whipped cream icing that some enjoy because “it’s not too sweet,” but the really heavy butter cream, cream cheese, or chocolate fudge icing that will triple the weight of any six-layer cake. There’s nothing as disappointing as dipping into a cake expecting yummy icing and getting whipped cream. Whipped cream has its place but not at the top of a cake! I remember when you could go to a wedding, shower or birthday party and consistently get a heavenly piece of cake with real icing. New and different isn’t always better, especially when it come to cake.
Every family has that special cake that a grandmother, aunt, or cousin will consistently bring to family gatherings. We can always count on Aunt Gina’s chocolate sheet cake, Louise’s carrot or red velvet cake with the best icing in the world, or my cousin Michelle’s latest masterpiece made completely from scratch. Most families should be lucky enough to have a budding Martha Stewart in their family like my cousin Mandy.
Maddie and I are especially blessed to visit one of the best bakers in all the land each week. My mother, Bunny, is always on the lookout for the perfect recipe, and she knows exactly what we like. Whether it’s a strawberry cake made with frozen strawberries and a whole box of confectioner’s sugar for icing, or a hot fudge cake that needs ice cream just to cut the sweetness, we always know we’ll end a meal with something we will devour. I remember homemade childhood birthday cakes with pink icing for me and blue for my brother and happy birthday spelled out in candy letters. Each child at the party would get a letter, but I would always beg for the biggest flower.
My obvious obsession with cake began early and continued into my teens when I met another sugar lover, Penny. We would drive over to the only Krispy Kreme Doughnuts in town (down from the big chicken in Marietta) hoping to see the HOT sign lit. Our doughnut of choice was the glazed chocolate iced. I once made Penny a birthday cake by stacking glazed doughnuts in a circle, four layers high, topped by the chocolate iced ones. It was simply decadent and easy to pass out and eat. I remember visiting Penny’s grandmother, hoping she had made her famous chocolate fudge cake. She used real Hershey’s Cocoa and granular sugar and poured it on top of a yellow cake just before it hardened into the best fudge on earth. Now that’s cake!
I’ve had many special memories with family and friends, and it’s always sweeter when someone bakes. Whether it’s a holiday, birthday, or a reunion, I’ll use the words of a wise little girl and say, “I hope that there’s cake”!
My daughter, Madeline, is now thirteen years old and continues to melt at even the thought of cake. Any cake, chocolate, vanilla, lemon, strawberry, carrot, red velvet, German Chocolate, Boston Cream, apple spice, or cheesecake, she loves them all! There is no food obsession, no eating disorder, no childhood trauma, just sheer passion for really delicious sweet treats. A beautiful cake displayed on the counter is too much of a temptation for a true confection connoisseur, so we must indulge only on special occasions. Madeline attempts to turn each day into a special holiday in hopes she’ll get cake. As I woke her on April 1 with a greeting of “Happy April Fools Day,” she giggled with joy and said, “Oh, I hope there’s cake.” She knows that at any party, picnic, reunion, holiday, or decent grandmother’s house, she stands a great chance of getting a big chunk of the sweet stuff.
I have to admit, the urge to indulge comes from me. It’s completely hereditary and unfortunately a very fattening way to bond. A cake or pie in the face on a TV show or movie will always induce a glance between the two of us (no words are necessary). Some people watching the same show may feel embarrassment for the participants, others just disgust in the mess. Maddie and I just wish it were us scraping the excess from our eyes directly into our mouth. To see someone wipe off creamy icing and sling it on the ground is enough to bring a tear to our eyes. There’s nothing like cuddling on the couch on a cold, rainy Sunday afternoon, reading the paper while watching a “Cake Marathon” on The Food Network. We would choose a winner as well as the one we would love to eat!
The only thing better than a big slice of the perfect cake is a big spoonful of the perfect cake batter, and that’s only equaled to a heaping finger full of sugary icing directly from the bowl. Most of us share memories of licking the batter from the spatula, beaters, or bowl as a child. Not the new, fluffy whipped cream icing that some enjoy because “it’s not too sweet,” but the really heavy butter cream, cream cheese, or chocolate fudge icing that will triple the weight of any six-layer cake. There’s nothing as disappointing as dipping into a cake expecting yummy icing and getting whipped cream. Whipped cream has its place but not at the top of a cake! I remember when you could go to a wedding, shower or birthday party and consistently get a heavenly piece of cake with real icing. New and different isn’t always better, especially when it come to cake.
Every family has that special cake that a grandmother, aunt, or cousin will consistently bring to family gatherings. We can always count on Aunt Gina’s chocolate sheet cake, Louise’s carrot or red velvet cake with the best icing in the world, or my cousin Michelle’s latest masterpiece made completely from scratch. Most families should be lucky enough to have a budding Martha Stewart in their family like my cousin Mandy.
Maddie and I are especially blessed to visit one of the best bakers in all the land each week. My mother, Bunny, is always on the lookout for the perfect recipe, and she knows exactly what we like. Whether it’s a strawberry cake made with frozen strawberries and a whole box of confectioner’s sugar for icing, or a hot fudge cake that needs ice cream just to cut the sweetness, we always know we’ll end a meal with something we will devour. I remember homemade childhood birthday cakes with pink icing for me and blue for my brother and happy birthday spelled out in candy letters. Each child at the party would get a letter, but I would always beg for the biggest flower.
My obvious obsession with cake began early and continued into my teens when I met another sugar lover, Penny. We would drive over to the only Krispy Kreme Doughnuts in town (down from the big chicken in Marietta) hoping to see the HOT sign lit. Our doughnut of choice was the glazed chocolate iced. I once made Penny a birthday cake by stacking glazed doughnuts in a circle, four layers high, topped by the chocolate iced ones. It was simply decadent and easy to pass out and eat. I remember visiting Penny’s grandmother, hoping she had made her famous chocolate fudge cake. She used real Hershey’s Cocoa and granular sugar and poured it on top of a yellow cake just before it hardened into the best fudge on earth. Now that’s cake!
I’ve had many special memories with family and friends, and it’s always sweeter when someone bakes. Whether it’s a holiday, birthday, or a reunion, I’ll use the words of a wise little girl and say, “I hope that there’s cake”!
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