Graduation Etiquette - Who Knows?

Why do special occasions end up causing so much stress? My son, Brad, will be graduating from high school in a couple of weeks and trying to decide what is appropriate is making me crazy!   The document is a cross between an invitation and an announcement. To start with, the line is blurred about the whole meaning of the document.  It's pretty standard and says:

"The Senior Class of Northgate High School Announces it's Commencement Exercises, Thursday Evening May 24,2012 at 7:30, Northgate High School, Henry Selden Field". In the bottom left, it says, "Admission by ticket only in case of inclement weather."

 Are we asking them to come to the ceremony or are we just telling them he is graduating?   With every envelope I address, I picture the person in my head saying, "Oh, can you believe he's already graduating - time flies" or "another graduation, I guess this means I have to send a gift." I picture some older relatives stressing about how far it is to drive on a Thursday night knowing they really don't want to go, but feeling like they should.  Some will post the picture on the refrigerator and every time they see it, they'll be reminded about acknowledging or not acknowledging the invitation/announcement.

We have 25 kids in my son's generation of our family, that's a lot! We are a very close extended family.  Is each relative expected to give a gift to every graduate? There is no way!  Typically 90% of the people who get an invitation are expected not to come to the ceremony.  Most schools only give each student a few tickets anyway.

Then there are the parties.  Typically people have a reception following the graduation with people who came to the ceremony, but ours is on a Thursday night.  People have to work the next day.  Do I expect them to drive an hour to eat a piece of cake the next day?  We have 24 graduates in our neighborhood, so there a lot of parties to attend the weekend after.  Do I need my own or just attend theirs and do we take gifts? See my dilemma?

It really is just a matter of "somebody's opinion".  Even Emily Post only delivers "her opinion".  If you ask me, if it's not written in the Bible or passed into law, it's simply opinion. Look at what Emily post says:

"Whether it's for a high school diploma, bachelor or associates degree, a gift is a must-follow etiquette tip: if you’re invited to the ceremony or are attending the party, send or bring a gift.  People who receive graduation announcements must send a gift. Announcements do not equal invitations. You are not obligated to give a gift, although you may choose to do so. Whether or not you send a present, a card or note of congratulations is always appreciated."

Is it just me, or does that not make sense at all.  I have a feeling that most people are not living the upper class lifestyle of Emily Post.  Average people are not debutantes or having million dollar sweet sixteen parties and weddings, or buying expensive gifts for every occasion.   Most people are on a fixed income , living paycheck-to-paycheck, and trying to keep their head above water.  The box that the invitations came in also expresses their opinion of etiquette.

"Announcements should not be considered a request for a gift.  They should be sent to people who have an interest in you as a graduate.  Many will choose to send a gift, and if they do a thank you note is required."

This is my common since etiquette.

Whether or not you attend depends on many factors: how close you live, how close you are to the student personally, and if you really want to go.  I think you should only send a gift if you are financially able and really want to.  Look into your heart because you probably already know the right thing to do even if it's just to send a heartfelt card or simply saying congratulations.